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"This Affair is Over
Essential reading for any woman involved with a married man"
This Affair is Over, Take Back Your Life and End Your Affair with a Married Man. No judgments. No blame. Just the facts that will help to keep you from going back. Dr. Nanette Miner: Page 14
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stand, or exactly how he feels about your relationship, and
yet you refuse to hear it. Walter told Christiana, "If you
really knew me, you'd hate me." What Christiana heard was
"my wife is turning me into a person I can't stand."
Christiana heard this as a call for help. It made her love
him more. It made her want to "save" him from his unhappy
marriage. In actuality what Walter was probably saying was
the absolute truth -that he treated women poorly, and he
knew it.
In many cases, and all types of situations, we hear what
we want to hear. Have you ever experienced the phenomena of
buying a new car, and then seeing fifty just like it that
you never noticed before? This is selective awareness. When
your lover is telling you one thing, but you are hearing
another, this is selective hearing.
Her Story:
Tammy has been involved with Billy for one and a half
years. Billy is married with two children, and recently
bought a new home with his wife. Tammy and Billy work
together on the third shift and frequently spend their
mornings or afternoons together with their children (Tammy
has one child), while Billy's wife is at work. What began
as a friendship between two people with mutual interests
and compatible schedules has become a passionate
If You Try Hard Enough, You Can Rationalize Anything
love affair. Tammy has asked Billy for more of a
commitment. Billy's response was, "I can't live without
you. Don't ask me to choose between my wife and you." What
Tammy heard was, "You're the most important thing in my
life and making me choose will cause me pain." In
actuality, what Billy is saying is, "Don't make me choose,
or you will be hurt. I will choose to stay in my marriage."
Tammy didn't force Billy to choose.
Brenda purchased a new waterbed. The first time that Dan
slept in it with her he said, "I can't believe how
comfortable this is. I can't wait to get one of these."
What Brenda heard was, "I can't wait to move in and share
this bed with you." It's probably safe to assume that what
Dan was really saying was, "I'll have to go out and buy one
like this."
It's very difficult to remain objective when our hearts
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